Battling
with Symptoms
Or Changing the Frameworks?
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L. Michael Hall, Ph.D.
The easiest thing in the world
is to get into a fight with symptoms.
We all do it. We all do it constantly. And no wonder--symptoms
make our lives miserable. So it's easy to get into a state
where we hate the symptoms and go into battle with
the symptoms. We fight with our negative feelings, we fight
with our habitual patterns that hold us in gridlock, we fight
with our imperfections and flaws. And fighting symptoms would
be a productive way to handle things if we were not systems,
mind-body systems, neuro-semantic systems with levels and
layers of thoughts and feelings.
Systems? Neuro-Semantics?
Yes, we have many interactive
parts within our mind-body-emotion system and it is our systemic
nature that makes "fighting symptoms" unsuccessful.
So what's the problem?
The problem is that when we
fight the symptoms we fight our own internal mind-body communication
system. Symptoms are not bad things. They are indicators or
communications from the system that something is out-of-balance,
needs adjustment, or is in pain. Symptoms are like the indicators
of gauges and warnings lights in the panel of your car. Suppose
you get into a battle with them every time you got a message
that you need to add oil, or that a door is not shut, or that
the radiator is over-heating?
Symptoms indicate the possibility
of a problem, but is not the problem itself even though we
can make it a problem. As communication about the health,
vitality, and wellness of the system, they indicate the condition
of the system. That's why mere symptom management only deals
with the symptoms
of problems and not with the real problem. This radically
differs from identifying and transforming the frameworks that
create the problem from which the symptoms comes.
Would you like some examples?
Relationships:
Symptom
Management is trying to fix or stop the headache, the
yelling, the anger, the frustration, the sense of being misunderstood
and misrepresented, the disloyalty, etc.
Changing
the Framework is identifying the frames of mind that
govern the relationship and that deals with what the individuals
are trying to do and what they want from relating.
Stuttering:
Symptom Management
is feeling bad about stuttering and trying hard to
not stutter and anticipating in fear what it will mean if
one does stutter again, and hating the non-fluency and wishing
to be more perfect and flawless in fluency.
Changing the Frameworks
means identify the frames that punctuate a piece of
speech as non-fluency and classifying it as stuttering that
creates the problem and identifying the frames of mind a
person would have to employ to not create that reality.
Emotional Intelligence
and Management:
Symptom Management
is feeling ashamed of one's sadness and fearing that
being sad makes one a pessimist and hating that and being
angry at not being able to command the negative emotions
to just go away.
Changing the Framework
means recognizing that sadness is just a human emotion
that indicates something of value feels violated or lost,
accepting that, coming to terms with the loss and then creating
a new meaningful goal that gives a sense of purpose and
fulfillment.
To the degree that we are
engaged in symptom management we focus our energies
on the results that occurs when our frame of mind interacts
as we experience some thing or someone. Focusing on symptoms
means that we're dealing with peripheral issues and not the
foundational or over-arching issues. Merely trying to deal
with the symptoms yet with little or no results, in fact,
has caused many practitioners and theoreticians of various
fields to draw a hasty and ill-formed conclusion. Namely,
The problem is insolvable,
it is just the way things are, it is inevitably, it is permanent,
at best we can only management it. It cannot be cured.
Many (but not all) working
in the field of drug and alcohol addiction drew this conclusion
in trying to get the so-called "alcoholics" to stop drinking.
They ordered them to stop and that didn't work. They coaxed
and gently persuaded them and yet they continued to drink.
They got them to make decisions to stop or to drink only moderately,
they linked pain to the drinking, and they did many other
things without success. The symptom of over-drinking and binging
led to more symptoms, namely, not being able to "consciously"
force themselves to stop.
It's the same with fear and
anxiety states. Most people find the mental and emotional
as well as the physiological symptoms of fear
and anxiety as very unpleasant. Most of us want the symptoms
to stop. So we focus on the heart racing and then think that
we're going crazy, that we're out-of-control, and we feel
stupid, inadequate, then we feel ashamed, guilty, and then
we feel really anxious and so the systems spirals out of control
as we hyper-ventilate and worry about dying, etc.
It's the same with arguing
with a loved one about a misunderstanding. It begins innocently
enough. We just want to make the other understand our point.
Of course, the other also just wants to make us understand.
Soon, we're feeling even more misunderstood and so we begin
defending ourselves and as our state shifts to feeling threatened
and attacked, angry words come which escalates things so that
it is a "fight."
What do all of these "problems"
have in common?
We are focusing on symptoms
and trying to control the symptoms without looking at the
over-arching frameworks that create them. That's why we cannot
solve these problems at the same level of thought that created
them. Our dislike of the symptom will only generate
more dislike, anger, fear, frustration, stress, upset, etc.
and as these expressions go round and round the system, they
get worse each time. They degenerate. The system spirals downward
in a vicious way as we turn the symptom into a problem!
Systemic Problems for
Systemic People
So what is a person with a
neuro-semantic systemic nature to do?
This is the beauty and power
of recognizing the levels of the mind and that the mind does
not only go out in a linear fashion to think, but also goes
in circles. We think, reason, and feel in circles.
After we have our first thought, "I don't like that symptom..."
we frequently make things a lot worse for ourselves, by our
second thought. "That means I'm inadequate." Then our third
thought complicates matters even more, "I am so ashamed of
this; I have to try hard to not do this!" So we focus on not
doing the behavior and any sign of it brings forth more anger,
then depression, then self-contempt, etc.
This describes the structure
of the problem. The meta-levels of states and responses reflect
back onto itself to create the higher frames that put us at
odds with ourselves and the world. At the center of the problem
is our judgment and non-acceptance of the symptom.
We then spiral round and round with more judgment, anger,
rejection, denial, stress, and the like. Our attitude toward
what was a communication signal, the symptom, has misdirected
us.
The Counter-Intuitive
Solution to Meta-Problems
That which will be the solution
will change our frames. Of course, for the most part, this
means that the solution will be the most counter-intuitive
thing that we can imagine. It means that the solution will
involve going in the very opposite direction that we have
sent our thought, emotion, hope, and desires. That's why it
seems "paradoxical." It is not paradoxical or contradictory.
It is not "reverse psychology." Yet these are the words that
we have come to use to describe the counter-intuitive nature
of the solution.
What is the solution?
To accept the symptom.
To fully welcome the symptom into awareness and to non-judgmentally
notice it, become aware of it, to explore it, to understand
it's positive intentions, to align with it, and to de-energize
all of the negative frames and meanings given to it.
- It is for the alcoholic
to accept the psycho-drinking and to explore
those urges that moves him to drink. It is to ask, "What
am I trying to do by drinking that has some positive value
for me?" It is to be social, to be less self-conscious,
to forget some pain or humiliation, is it to be one of the
guys, what value does it seek to obtain for me?
- It is for the over-eater
to accept the psycho-eating and to explore the
internal urges to eat and what psycho-pleasures the eating
brings: comfort, love, fulfillment, reward, the good life,
etc.
- It is for the one who stutters
to accept the stuttering as just speech, just non-fluent
speech and to explore what the hesitating is seeking to
accomplish that's important and to flush out the fear and
anxiety frames that has coached the person to become self-conscious
about the speech.
- It is for the one who yells
and argues and says "angry words" to accept
the anger and frustration and the sense of threat and
to welcome such and to wonder, really wonder, what does
the person hope to accomplish by raising the voice or using
hurtful words.
The symptom is not the real
problem, it is but a symptom of the real problem. Nor
is the problem the person--we are not inadequate or destined
for staying stuck. We are just inside of a Frame Matrix. The
frames that drives and governs us to interpret
things in a certain way and to believe in certain things--that's
the problem. Typically we raise our voice and yell because
we don't want to be put in the wrong, because we want to be
right, because we want to be respected, because we want to
think that we are good persons, and to have others think the
same. When we stutter, we want to be fluent and flawless and
perfect, we want to be accepted and valued, we don't want
to be inadequate or to embarrass ourselves, etc.
Good motives drive our behaviors,
but the intentions are not able to succeed because of the
frame that drives how we go about the tasks.
Rejecting, hating, shaming, and guilting ourselves for
our anger only makes it worse. It does not enable us to be
more calm, thoughtful, or respectful in sharing our anger.
It turns our thoughts and feelings against ourselves. It's
counter-intuitive that by accepting our anger, welcoming the
knowledge of a sense of violation, and willing to explore
our anger gives us more control over our anger.
It's similarly counter-intuitive
that by accepting our non-fluency and even practicing it,
exaggerating it and giving ourselves permission to be fallible
human beings who sometimes care too much about what others
things gives us more control and management over our speech
productions. Then we relax, breathe easier, and de-energize
all of the loaded semantic meanings that we give to non-fluency.
Getting to the Frameworks
Beliefs hold
our feelings, actions, behaviors, thoughts, memories, and
communication in place. You can't train yourself and incorporate
response patterns into your physiology and neurology unless
you believe certain things.
What do you have to believe
about having a negative emotion, being flawed and fallible,
not getting everybody's approval, etc.?
We solidify our symptoms by
believing that they are inevitable and permanent. We drive
them deeper into neurology when we believe that "they are
just the way it is," or that "that's what I am."
Identity beliefs especially solidify and install symptoms
so that they have even more of a gridlock on us. That's why
it's the identity statements, "I am..." "He is..." "They are..."
can lock us into a toxic system.
It's the embedded frames of
beliefs about beliefs all the way up the levels of the mind
that actually control and govern our primary states. The frame
Matrix supports the reality that we live in whether it is
a Universe of Stuttering or Out-of-Control Anger or Pessimism
or whatever. We have to move up to the belief systems of norms,
rules, expectations, and cultural patterns to truly deal with
the symptoms.
We first meet Neo in the Movie,
The Matrix when the camera
zooms in on his computer screen. A message is coming in, "Neo,
Wake up! The Matrix has you!" So it is in our lives. The matrices
of our frames have us.
Waking up to the frames and the frames-within-frames of beliefs,
values, identifications, decisions, etc. alerts us to the
universe that we live in. Then we can Quality Control that
Matrix to see if it really serves us well to enhance and empower
our everyday lives.
Are you still fighting the
symptoms and the symptoms seem to be growing to become Dragons
in your mind?
Then stop. Embrace the Dragon
... plant a juicy kiss upon it and see what happens. More
often than not the Dragon shrinks to a smaller size and may
even shrivel up completely. Rejecting your symptoms turns
your psychological energies of mind and emotion and physiology
against yourself. Welcoming, embracing, and kissing your symptoms
transforms them, slays them, alters them.
Getting to the over-arching
frameworks that make up the higher frames of the mind means
getting to the beliefs and the belief systems. The framework
of problems and solutions exists at this level. Once we destabilize
the old structure, then we can rise up in our mind to set
new and empowering intentions, visions, values, identifications,
expectations, pleasures, etc. Meta-magic awaits us at those
higher levels because we can tap into the systemic mechanisms
of change. We can find those leverage points in the system
and by simply setting up some new policies, invite the system
to self-organize around the new beliefs and ideas.
Welcome to meta-land.
Author:
L. Michael Hall, Ph.D. is a Cognitive-Behavioral
Psychologist and entrepreneur in Western Colorado. Michael@neurosemantics.com
Taken
from www.neurosemantics.com
©2002 L. Michael Hall,
Ph.D. All rights reserved.
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